Couples Counselling

Whether you’re facing communication issues, conflicts, or emotional disconnect, Dr. Shah provides a supportive environment to help you and your partner build stronger, healthier bonds. Through tailored sessions, she offers practical strategies and compassionate guidance to improve your relationship and enhance your connection.

“My goal in couples counseling is to help a couple develop a good working relationship so they can work through whatever life hands them.”

In every relationship people have differences. Having differences in an intimate relationship is normal and healthy. How the couple works through their differences determines the quality of their relationship.

Often couples have good intent with each other but get locked in a pattern that is negative and hurtful. My goal in counseling a couple is to help couples build on the strengths in their relationship and shift negative dynamics to positive ones.

I view a couple as a team, and as their coach, I help them develop good teamwork so they can enjoy a winning relationship.

“Respect for each other is the basis of every session.”

My role in couples counseling is to:

  • create a safe non-critical environment.
  • make each session productive.
  • explain, not blame.
  • help a couple interact in a positive productive way.
  • support each person in the process.
  • see and understand each partner’s side clearly.
  • identify the positive aspects of the relationship and build on them.
  • teach communication skills.
  • facilitate positive change.
  • help a couple get unstuck and back on track.

 

“When couples talk about the past or the future they are really dealing with their relationship in the present .”

When a couple is able to resolve issues from the past, their relationship in the present improves and each is more willing and able to invest him/herself in a future together. When a couple’s relationship changes for the better in the present, forgiveness for past hurts and mistakes is possible.

Tip: Let go of the need to be ‘right’.

Couples get caught up in who is ‘right’ and who is ‘wrong’. There is no value in being ‘right’ if it is harmful to the relationship . (If you are killed in a car accident it does not do you any good if you are ‘in the right’.) Instead, talk to each other about what is said (words) and done (behaviors) in terms of whether or not it was helpful or harmful, a problem or not a problem, appropriate or inappropriate, hurtful or not hurtful, etc.

Take a deeper look at your marriage If…
  • The pain consistently outweighs the pleasure and joy in your relationship.
  • The same patterns of unhappiness continue despite your best efforts to change them.
  • The “in love” feeling is permanently gone; you’ve lost your passion or sexual desire.
  • These feelings continue after you’ve worked hard with a professional counselor to understand yourself and your relationship.

 

What doesn’t help:

  • Taking each other-and your relationship-for granted.Harboring angry feelings without discussing them.
  • Forcing your partner to fit an idealized image rather than accepting him or her as is.
  • Having to be always right; insisting on always “having your way” or being in control.
  • Adultery/being unfaithful.

 

Common Danger Zones: Stressful Life Events

  • Having a child/differences in child-rearing.
  • Buying a house.
  • Career transitions.
  • Losing a job/financial problems.
  • Chronic illness.
  • Family/in-law problems.

 

Warning Signals

  • Constant bickering and competition between partners.
  • Accumulated pain and anger that never really goes away.
  • A lack of trust that puts a knot in the pit of your stomach.
  • Unwillingness to go out of your way to please one another.
  • Feeling relieved when the other person isn’t around.
  • Being the recipient of nonstop faultfinding, criticism, and blame.