mumbai, maharashtra
ph: 9821140746
reemasha
MUMBAI MIRROR | Date: May 21, 2012 |
HINDUSTAN TIMES, BRUNCH MAGAZINE,
11th May, 2008
THE BOSS FILES
Most of us can write a book on infuriating bosses, but why waste all that energy on inferior superiors? learn how to handle them instead!
WE ALL have them. We love to hate them. We also love talking about them. Because of that, our friends also hate them. The subject crops up in almost every telephone con versation, at parties, at impromptu dinners with friends and during huddles in the office stairwell. If you are brave, you even discuss the subject with your colleague while sitting at your desk, metres from where the object of your disaffection sits.
For those still wondering what on earth we are talking about, we are referring to bad bosses, the species that has quite a few websites devoted to it.
According to HR consultant Gautam Ghosh, "A bad boss is a person who consistently has a de-energising effect on his/ her team which results in higher attrition, higher employee recruiting and training costs and loss in productivity ."
But as much as we enjoy boss bashing, the truth is there is a difference between a tyrannical boss who intellectually stimulates you and pushes you to ensure his / her high standards are met and a tyrant who is just, well, a tyrant. The former may be tough to work with, but every hour with him / her is a learning experience as you learn to push yourself harder to produce better and better work.
It is important to make this differentiation, says HR consultant Varda Pendse of Cerebrus Consultants "because often, you learn the maximum under unreasonable bosses."
This piece is not about that kind of boss. Instead, it's about the kind of tyrant who drives oth erwise efficient employees insane; who de-motivates and humiliates them. These bosses cause a severe amount of stress and reduce productivity at the workplace.
"Apart from the pressure of achieving targets, a large chunk of stress at the workplace is due to unhealthy superior-subordinate relationships – thwarting instead of nurturing, competitive instead of complementary says counsellor and ," psychotherapist Reema Shah.
"Many clients cite office politics as one of the primary reasons for their stress," she adds.
The problem is evidently widespread. Ghosh reveals that an online survey in India by Yellojobs.com found that 42 per cent of employees said they changed jobs due to noncooperative and bad superiors.
Pendse pegs that figure at 35 per cent. "In India, employees quit not so much because of bad managers but because of better career opportunities," she says.
Here are a few case studies many of you will identify with; with tips from experts on how to deal with similar situations.
BAT OUT OF HELL
It's been six months since she left her last workplace, but advertising professional Nimisha Patel, 28, still shudders when she thinks of her ex boss. For the first few months there Patel could do no wrong. But when the honeymoon ended, Patel could do no right. Her boss shot down every idea she gave and gave her routine work to do instead.
She sprang 15-minute deadlines on her and humiliated her in front of her colleagues. Patel's ex-boss would also embarrass her juniors by discussing details of her dysfunctional personal life and enjoy their discomfort. The last straw was when Patel was denied leave for a medical procedure. Not only that, her boss also used that incident to call up the HR department and modify Patel's appraisal. "She gave me the lowest appraisal, saying I was not an asset to the company and I had no ethics," Patel says. She quit the company shortly after.
SHAH'S ADVICE: Learn to deal with it, or start circulating your resume!
"A majority of boss and subordinate clashes are due to personality differences," says Ghosh. So it is important to find out whether your boss's bad behaviour is across the board or is just with you.
"Often your perception may not always be a fact," agrees Pendse. "But if you think your boss really has a psychological problem talk to his / her manager in a very rational and factual manner, outlining specific instances of irrational behaviour.
Don't get emotional about it if you want to be taken seriously ."
If all this does not work, try to get another role in the same organisation, or find another job.
YOUR WORK IS MY WORK:
Dhiren Fernandes, 26, was very happy working as a copywriter with a leading online advertising firm in Bangalore till he got a new boss who not only didn't know a thing about online advertising, but was clearly incompetent. Most clients rejected his ideas so he got into the habit of passing off his team's work as his, upsetting everyone in the process.
The team members complained about their boss's incompetence to his superior, but realised that the superior, who had hired the boss, did not want to admit he'd made a mistake. Fed up that his boss was hogging all the credit, not helping him learn anything new and, sometimes, even forcing him to modify good ideas into bad ones, Fernandes quit. "I did not quit only because of my boss. I would have quit in six months anyway It's just that .
the bad boss accelerated my exit from the company," he says.
SHAH'S ADVICE: Deal with it !
"Many organisations do not see a boss taking credit for others' work as ‘bad behaviour', since all intellectual property generated during work belongs to the employer anyway," says Ghosh.
Since your boss is your teamleader after all, the best way is to grin and bear it. "Yes, it shows generosity on the part of the boss if he gives you credit. But if he doesn't, think of it this way: you have done the work, so you are the one who has learnt from it," says Pendse.
If you don't buy this argument, next time, while at a presentation or meeting, ensure you mention that you have worked on the project with your boss or colleague, says Pendse. If you can't do that, cheer up. After all, you have helped your boss look good in front of his bosses. That should keep your boss happy And doesn't a happy boss mean a happy you?
PET PEEVES
Project manager Shweta Gupta's boss shares a close personal relationship with her team member, Mayuri. Because of that, Gupta says Mayuri not only gets the best projects, she can pick and choose the projects she wants to do. Gupta's boss often per sonally helps Mayuri with her work, a service he never extends to any other teammate. Gupta says all this is very de-motivating. "It's not as if I want the boss's personal attention. I don't. I just want him to be impartial and fair," says Gupta. She once tried bringing up the subject in a lighthearted way but her boss refuses to acknowledge that his personal re lationship with her teammate was affecting his capacity to act like a professional. Gupta has thought about quitting often, but hasn't yet.
SHAH'S ADVICE: Introspect, then act
Both Ghosh and Pendse agree that this is a tough one to crack because your perception that your boss is playing favourites may not be fact.
"You must first ask yourself why is he playing favorites? Is there any objective reason? Does the other employee seem more confident? Does he / she get more business or revenue? Did you fail in the first assignment your boss gave you?" says Ghosh.
If after this you are sure your boss is playing favourites, ask yourself how it impacts you and your work. Try to become that favourite. If that does not work, get another role in a different team, says Ghosh.
THE FAVOUR GAME:
Gaurav Kapur, a management executive with a leading BPO company, was in an embarrassing position. His mother held a senior position in a leading company that had interests in construction and hospitality (golf clubs and leisure clubs) and his boss used to always ask Kapur to ask his mother for favours like discounts at events sponsored by her company or membership at its clubs. "He would ask me for favours I wouldn't ask my mother for myself. But I did for him because he could be very vindictive. He used to ask other team members for similar favours too and when they didn't deliver, blue-eyed boys would be completely alienated overnight," says Kapur. Because of this, and other issues, Kapur gave in his resignation, but stayed on after he was informed that his boss was on his way out because of similar complaints.
SHAH's ADVICE:" Put your foot down and say no"
"I have a very clear view on this: No boss should ever ask an employee for personal favours. If they do, you have to tell him / her very nicely that it is not acceptable," says Pendse.
Ghosh agrees. "This is when it is time to get assertive. Make it clear that a personal request is not your role and it is interfering with your ability to produce quality work. If need be escalate to his / her boss. Always link to how it will affect the output you are responsible for," he says.
WHILE BASHING bosses is a favourite pastime, we must not forget that there is also a boss's point of view. HR consultant Varda Pendse feels all ‘bad' bosses should not be tarred with the same brush. "Often, a first time manager will tend to be rude or obnoxious because he or she does not realise the importance of having a happy and loyal team," says Pendse. But that usually changes after the boss realises that his or her behaviour is affecting productivity.
Pendse says you should instead seize the opportunity to learn how to handle your boss. People management is as much about managing your seniors as your juniors!
HINDUSTAN TIMES, BRUNCH 25th July, 2010
“NOW, HEAR THIS.”
You've tried everything to kick the bad habit, but failed, could hypnotherapy help?
Contrary to popular belief,hypnosis isn’t a magician’s stage act. It is increasingly being used by psychologists to treat disorders like phobias and addiction ‘HYPNOSIS IS A STATE BETWEEN BEING FAST ASLEEP AND BEING ALERT’
THERE’S NOTHING much to photograph youknow,”jokes Dr Vanit Nalwa, when asked if she could be photographed in the the chamber where she conducts her hypnotherapy sessions. “No candles or swinging pendulums!” Dr Nalwa, well-known Delhi-based hypnotherapist and neuropsychologist, isn’t faroff the mark. Formanypeople,the word hypnosis conjures images that have more to do with magic than medicine.
"But the truth is that hypnotherapy is a scientifically-acknowledged discipline that can be used by itself or in combination with other types of therapies to help patients achieve their goals", says Reema Shah, Mumbai-based psychologist and hypnotherapist.
Approvedbythe American and BritishMedical Associations,hypnosis is “scientifically researched and can even be seen on a brain scan,”claims Dr Dayal Mirchandani, a Mumbai-based psychiatrist.
USING THE SUBCONSCIOUS
According to Shah, hypnotherapy is very effective with anxiety disorders, phobias and traumas. Addictions like smoking and drinking and even kleptomania can also be cured effectively through hypnotherapy, though results may vary from person to person.
She encourages people to try hypnotherapy only if they have an open mind about it and says that often, people approach hypnotherapy as a last resort due to lack of awareness.
Dr Mirchandani says that hypnotherapy can work very well for pain control. “It has been used during labour and worksvery well,”he says. He mainly uses hypnotherapy for medical conditions like asthma, painful arthritis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome,etc.“It could also be used on people who are grossly overweight to help them lose their appetite,” he adds. Shah says" it’s also an effective therapy for insomnia."
Hypnosis is a state of relaxation. “It’s the state between being fast asleep and being alert,". Shah tries to explain it. “It’s like a daydream, where you are conscious and aware,yet you are oblivious to external distractions.” A day dream-like state may sound magical but most hypnotherapists would suggest it only if required. “If clients specifically ask for hypnotherapy, the first session is spent assessing whether theyreally need it,”saysShah. Therapists usually decide if hypnosis is required depending on the kind of problem, the extent of it and also their assessment of the client’s personality.
It doesn’t always work,says Dr Nalwa who restricts her sessions to six. “If it’s not working with six sessions, then it is not the therapy the client needs,”she believes. Shah says hypnotherapy can take anything from three sessions to 10 to be effective, particularly if it’s adeep addiction.
WORKING IT
Hypnotherapyworks with the subconscious mind. According to Shah, the brain operates on four measurable frequency cycles: Delta, Theta, Alpha and Beta.
Theta is the subconscious part where all emotional experiences are recorded, while Alpha is where dreaming and daydreaming takes place.Beta is the conscious region for reasoning and daily activities.
When we sleep,the brain automatically cycles down from Beta to Alpha and hypnosis takes advantage of this natural phenomenon. It causes the brain to cycle down into Alpha without going to sleep.
The subconscious mind is open to suggestive input and unlike the conscious mind it doesn’t think or reason and responds to what it is told. Suggestions are then made into real behaviour changes by the mind,” Shah says.
Dr Nalwa says hypnotherapy goes into stored memories in the brain. “It’s like accessing your database in the brain and making changes at that level.”
Dr Mirchandani thinks that most people go into a naturally occurring state of trance without realising it, while reading abook or watching an interesting movie.He teaches self-hypnosis to people with chronic painful conditions or those with anxietydisorders, an area where hypnosis is very effective. “It helps them calm down, whether before a meeting or an interview,”hesays.
Bangalore girl Subha Narayan would sweat before interviews and group discussions and be anxious to the extent of walking out rather than go through the ordeal.
“Hypnotherapy helped me to deal with my fears and techniques I learnt from my counsellor helped me calm down before an interview session,”says Narayan, who now works for a pharmaceutical company and is comfortable giving a presentation to a roomful of people,a fearsome prospect earlier.
THE MYTH BUSTER
But misconceptions still abound when it comes to hypnotherapy. One of the biggest myths is that people can be hypnotised and made to do things against their will, perpetuated largely thanks to stage hypnosis and B-grademovies. “No one can be hypnotised against their will,”saysShah.
“The subject must be hundred per cent cooperative.”No person gets ‘stuck’ in a hypnotic state either.
And this is what all hypnotherapists tell you.
No person can be made to do any thing under hypnosis that they wouldn’t normally do in a completely alert state.Inother words, youwouldn’t go against your normal value system even under hypnosis. “The subject can choose to accept or reject the suggestions given even when under hypnosis,”asserts Shah.
“You exercise your personal free will even in that state,” says Dr Nalwa. “There’s always a small percentage of highly susceptible people,but most people would not do anything under hypnosis they wouldn’t do normally.” There’s also the general impression that strong-willed people cannot be hypnotised. Those who practice hypnotherapy will tell you it’s actually the opposite! “Strong-willed people have fewer fears and more confidence and they usually find it easier to go into a trance-like state,” says Dr Mirchandani.
Dr Nalwa concurs, “People who respond best are usually intelligent and articulate.” But some people do not respond to hypnotherapy very well. “That’s because their defences are very strong and they don’t allow themselves to relax easily,” says Shah.
So if it isn’t mumbo jumbo, why isn’t hypnotherapy used more extensively? In the last fewyears, though attitudes have been changing,it is still not as widely known as counselling.
One reason could be the lack of proper regulation. It has resulted in the number of lay hypnotists far outweighing certified therapeutic hypnotists. Shah and Dr Mirchandani agree thatmanydebatable institutes nowoffer short-term courses in hypnotherapy. “People become counsellors but do not have proper psychological knowledge,”says Shah.
So if you’re wondering how to select a good hypnotherapist, the answer would be to visit someone who is qualified, preferably with a degree in psychology or a related branch.
Dr Nalwa, who started practicing hypnotherapy in Delhi in 1996 thinks there’s a positiveshift. “People are more open and forthcoming and certain techniques are even becoming part of corporate training.”
The season of joy. Or is it? The holidays can bring awkward situations. From dealing with pesky relatives to surviving the office party, REEMA SHAH shows you the ropes.
1. I am single at the ripe old age of 35! i like spending new year's eve with my friends, but its awkward to be the only single one there.
While my friends are sensitive, their partners aren't. They always ask that dreaded question: Why aren't you married yet? or worse, fix me up with their pals (read: wierdos!)
Should i spend the evening alone with a tub of ice cream or should i go out? if its the latter you advise, how do i make a smart comeback?
Holiday buster:
Ice cream is poor compensation. So, unless you want to be an unhealthy 35 year old, put on your dancing shoes and hit the town!
Being around friends is the most natural human urge. Stop allowing others to manipulate your feelings by changing your perception of yourself as a victim.
Instead, excercise your basic right to living assertively. when choosing between fight and flight, go for the fight!
Combat strategies:
Pin the blame of your single status on external factors.
For instance, the increasing number of pervs on matrimonial sites!
Or learn the art of subtly turning the question regarding your marriage into pertinent global issues like global warming!
Remember, don't get defensive and touchy about your single status. Enjoy your reality. It will result in an assertive body language and tone of voice which is a message in itself to the deriding married people.
Copyright 2017 reema shah. All rights reserved.
mumbai, maharashtra
ph: 9821140746
reemasha